TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
