I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
