I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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