yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
