I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
