I wanna bring you to show and tell
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
