cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
