i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
