i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
