i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
