i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
