get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
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Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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