Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
