It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I need water and some morals
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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