So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
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So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
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Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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