you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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