I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Farmville is her only friend.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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