we're chasing vodka with high fives
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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