good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
