if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
