she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
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