Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
