we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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