You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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