I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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