I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Woke up backwards on a recliner
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
