Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I think my moral compass just broke
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
