Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
