you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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