I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
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we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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