I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
