i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
