I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
