My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
