He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
