I think im going to throw up on grandma
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
