high people should be assigned attendants
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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