Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
