Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
