u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
