I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
bring money and cleavage
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My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
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How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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