This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
