was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
