It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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