all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
