If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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