I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
