we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
