have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
