Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
