Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
