She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
