just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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