I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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