Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
