It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
