My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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