that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
