ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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