So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
