I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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