Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
