thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
