Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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